Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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