I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
