So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
