he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
