I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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