That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
