this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
