12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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