never play flip cup with pint glasses
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
