You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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