I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
