all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize