i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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