My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
