I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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