The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
