We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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