If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
