im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
