i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
