Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
