he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
