New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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