her vagine was all disorganized.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
