I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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