i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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