its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
