Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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