Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
