Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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