so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
