i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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