Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
