Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
