I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
