I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
