why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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