Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
