Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
