Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
