in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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