I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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