You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize