you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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