No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
