I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
