a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
