She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
