someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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