he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
