we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize