What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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