Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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