i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
