I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize