there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
