how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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