dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
