I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
