turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
