But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
