you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
this is an emotional support booty call
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
