Welp...herpes.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
