I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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