I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
