I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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